Paradoxical Humour

So I was going through one of my old Philosophy notebooks and notice these weird excerpts of text, they’re mostly analogies to explain the different paradoxes we were learning and yes I know some of them are about the same thing but I frankly couldn’t be bothered organising them into sections. So here are some of the ones I found throughout multiple books and they’re fun for a browse through the last one is a little questionable.

  • In the words of Socrates “yes sir, i will teach you about apples, but I can’t teach you about fruit”. Each lesson learned is a new lesson that must be taught.
  • The more something scares you the more it must be done, except for clowns not going anywhere near them…..No way…….no……no……….no.
  • Man, this teacher is a butt plug, hmmm does that make him a buttplug. (the less one cares for others, the less they care for oneself).
  • The Earth added Mars on facebook, but yet still only talks to him once a year and in this moment the Earth realised that the more he tried to become connected the deeper his isolation he felt.
  • Skateboarder thinks he’s going to nutter butter on the rail, then Damn right he’s going to nutter butter on that goddamn rail. The more you look to failure the truer it becomes. 
  • Holy crap that dudes nose is huge…..owwww wait….. it’s mine. The more you hate something about someone the more you hate about yourself because you’re avoiding the mirror.
  • “No I will not let you hold my baby,” Jeremy said as he lit up a cigarette from behind his ear. The less we trust, the less we can be trusted.
  • Nobody likes, Nobody likes, Nobody likes a Try Hard (sung by some preppy dingleberry band from the mid-2000’s),  the more we try to impress the fewer people that are truly impressed by you.
  • GodDammit Russel why the hell can’t you setup my fricken mac you said that you knew how to use Linux, Windows and Mac. Bertrand Russel-“the more conviction someone holds to be the absolute truth the less the know on the subject”.
  • “Hmm, excuse me, sir, what ice cream flavours do you have,” Tim said to the clerk,”well we have chocolate, vanilla, strawberry and bull feces, but I only have one scoop and I haven’t changed the water all day,” the clerk said. The paradox of Choice- the more options we are given the less each one appeals to us.
  • “but Jim I’m nothing but a square, I’m only two-dimensional how can anyone ever love something that is two dimensional,” Linda said, “Dammit I’m a cube, Linda, we were made for each other,” Jim proclaimed. The morale of the story, the more honest we are about one’s negatives  the more perfect we become in everyone’s eyes.
  • From now on all diamonds are now free, yes free, just look in your pockets, the thing that was once worth thousands is now free, what will you do with them, propose to your one true love, well, too bad she wants a salt ring now. Scarcity Paradox the more available things become the less we desire them.
  • A million dollars to the person who can move one of these rocks to the top of this building, Peter pushed towards the stairs inch by inch he made his way to the top, hours pass and Peter is a now a mere floor away from the finish, with no sign of the other competitor anywhere near him he pushed on, but as he peaked over the final step to see the finish line he noticed the elevator. The harder we strive for something the harder it becomes.
  • “How did he die?” claire asked, “faced his fears” Anthony Replied. “What were they and did he conquer them?” she asked, with a small snicker “he was afraid of dying” Anthony replied. The more fearful of death we become the less we live.

P.S I’m gonna keep an eye out for more in my other notes from school hopefully I can find a few more gems.